


all i wanna do is see you

by alvisable



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Implied toxic relationship, M/M, Namjoo is a bit not good, Oneshot, Pining, ShowHyung Rise, clueless!Hyungwon, eventual OT3 relationship, pseudo-scientific bullshit, twin!Shownu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27472642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alvisable/pseuds/alvisable
Summary: Hyungwon has always been sure that his feeling for Son Namjoo is reciprocated. The older guy is his boyfriend for two years, after all.But when he coughs out a couple of blue petals for a week straight, Hyungwon begins to doubt his circumstances. He questions whether Son Namjoo really loves him, and whether the guy who acts so sweet and considerate towards Hyungwon all this time is really his boyfriend.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	all i wanna do is see you

**Author's Note:**

> This is so sudden and I actually need to plan the whole plot more, but this is a oneshot for a longer version I'd love to write in the future. (♡´艸`)
> 
> There was a fanfic challenge not so long ago, and for some reason it just got cancelled. So I thought, why not just post it here and see how the scenes would unfold. So yeah, I hope everyone can enjoy it! ^3^
> 
> Title from Monsta X's Middle of the Night. (´⌣`ʃƪ)

The air inside the cafe has become cooler despite the warmth that people keep exuding, considering this place has never been empty during weekdays. Still, Hyungwon shivers at the slight breeze running in the atmosphere as the rain outside patters loudly, lashing the sidewalks and the window pane. The constant rattle of water against pavement outside mixed with the ceaseless chatter around him.

He’s sitting at a small table at the center of the room for more than an hour. His eyes busy watching people bustling around, eyes darting to the street outside, soaked with what he can call a river. The depth is pretty shallow yet enough to sink people’s shoes in; those who visit the cafe have left such visible footsteps on the creamy, pale tile.

Occasionally, Hyungwon coughs. A subtle one, where he covers his mouth with his hand, then wraps the blue petals coming off from his mouth as discreetly as possible. He looks around the room, making sure no one notices, wariness obvious in his eyes. He lets out a sigh in relief, slipping his hand in his pocket then letting go of the evident. But then the fact that he’s still by himself gets him worked up again.

Son Namjoo should’ve been here. Hyungwon stares at his wristwatch, making sure he got the time right, and it’s already 2.30 p.m.! He holds back his internal curse. The older guy is practically his boyfriend of two years, and he’s been busy in college as a freshman. Hyungwon is busy too, being a senior in high school and preparing for _suneung_ next year. He has lost lots of hours of sleep, and it finally takes a toll on him and he thinks that meeting Namjoo would cheer him up a bit.

Yet that guy hasn’t even texted him if he can even come, and Hyungwon has gotten too agitated to care. He has sacrificed his studying time for this, risking his health, wondering why the heck did he cough petals if he has a boyfriend already. And still, he got ditched all too sudden.

Right when Hyungwon thinks the universe just loves to throw cosmic jokes his way, a tall figure blocks his vision. Hyungwon looks up, then finds Namjoo smiling apologetically at him. The older guy sits in front of him, then stares at Hyungwon with a concerned gaze.

“You’re cold,” Namjoo states, extending his hand to touch Hyungwon’s cheeks.

It’s warm, sending a tingling feeling up his veins, and Hyungwon sucks in a breath at the sudden motion. No matter how many times he and Namjoo have physical contacts, Hyungwon would still get incredibly flustered.

That’s just how much he likes Namjoo that he feels like exploding. And now he wonders if the guy still likes him back. Or just likes him at all.

“I’m fine,” Hyungwon finally replies, placing his hand on Namjoo’s only to remove it from his cheeks. He notices the hurt on Namjoo’s eyes, as if Hyungwon has rejected him. So he squeezes Namjoo’s hand to reassure him he’s okay. He observes the older a little longer. His tanned skin, plump lips, and sparkling eyes always send a tingling feeling in Hyungwon’s heart, making him weak. And this should be enough, how he keeps admiring Namjoo and never seems to get bored of him, and how Namjoo always takes care of him with whatever antics Hyungwon might have pulled off. It was endearing, really. It’s supposed to be as endearing as before.

“You must’ve waited for me for a while. I’m really sorry—”

“It’s okay,” Hyungwon cuts him, forcing a tight smile. He desperately wants to know if what Namjoo said is sincere, or it’s just a mere consolation to calm Hyungwon and win him back again and again. Namjoo cares for him, and Hyungwon likes him. There’s no reason to break up now, what with his mysterious coughs coming out of nowhere.

Hyungwon hates to admit it, but he needs Namjoo. More than ever before.

“I... I think I wanna go home,” Hyungwon blurts out before he can filter his words, ducking his head to avoid his boyfriend’s reaction. He never suggested something like this before, always followed whatever Namjoo planned because what he likes, Hyungwon likes too. He wonders if he’s too caught up with his own feelings he can’t even distinguish what he really wants and what he doesn’t.

“Okay,” Namjoo replies in a reassuring way, rubbing Hyungwon’s cold hand with such affection. 

Hyungwon snaps his head, his eyes widening in disbelief.

“I’ll get you to your house. Is that okay?”

This day surely couldn’t be any weirder. Namjoo is always considerate and knows his boundary, asking him to dates, holding his hands and kissing him here and there, though never more than that. Namjoo being sweet and caring out of the blue like this... feels kind of bizarre, yet it isn’t something unusual either.

Eventually, Hyungwon nods, head full with swirling thoughts.

_Can I trust this guy? Or will I get even more confused?_

Hyungwon doesn’t know. He only feels enlightened somehow, the itch in his throat gone and he feels he can breathe much more easily.

* * *

The coughs wouldn’t stop for the next three days, and Hyungwon curses silently as he gets up from his bed. His throat has been sore. He can’t breathe without feeling the burn in his ribcage. His tongue can’t even taste any food nor drinks properly since everything he consumes turns bitter.

His hand reaches for a glass of water on the nightstand, gulping the water with force. He winces. Coughs a little more. Then gives up and curls himself on his bed again, hiding behind the warm blanket.

He has texted Namjoo for several times now, and still gets no response. He feels like he’s been ghosted, but at the same time he’s not. Hyungwon has been absent from school and he can’t bother his friends too much. They need to study too. And he understands how packed Namjoo’s schedule is, so he’s practically hopeless.

_Should I go to his apartment? Wouldn’t I look way too desperate?_

The thought suddenly rushes in and it’s not like Hyungwon cannot walk. He contemplates on the idea a little longer before brushing his teeth and washing his face a little. It’s still too cold to take a bath, so he dresses up as best as he can. No makeup for today, since he’s not in the mood. He only needs to see Namjoo, and the older guy has never minded his appearance. Namjoo always says Hyungwon has flawless appearance, so Hyungwon is always pleased with himself.

Hyungwon brushes away his previous options to take the bus or subway, and instead goes with a taxi. It takes about thirty minutes before he reaches Namjoo’s apartment. He has no idea why the older guy hasn’t invited him there. They mostly settle with going outside or hanging out on Hyungwon’s house, which can’t be long since his parents are around and they’re quite protective when it comes to Hyungwon’s partners.

The whole hanahaki disease does that a lot, being the only child, and kinda prone to attachment.

Hyungwon takes a deep breath as he looks around, getting himself familiar with the neighborhood. It’s 10 a.m. and people are bustling around, some opening their stores, others waiting for buses with their colleagues.

Hyungwon crosses the road, settling on a brisk pace. The mask he wears drains the oxygen he can inhale, so once he gets to the lobby, his breath turns ragged.

Only when he struts toward the elevator does he realize he has no idea in which level Namjoo lives. Or if he’s home at all.

Hyungwon looks around, obviously finding no one he really knows. He gets kinda intimidated, but his mind forces him to fish his phone out.

He texts Namjoo fast, _Are you home? I’m at your apartment’s lobby_.

Hyungwon bites his lower lip, hoping this wouldn’t seem too forward. They’re boyfriends, after all. They deserve to meet often. And this is Namjoo that Hyungwon is about to see. His existence alone should be enough to calm the sudden... _abnormalcy_ he currently suffers.

For quite a while, there’s no response from Namjoo, and Hyungwon has decided to go home again, cursing at his stupidity, planning to wallow by himself in his room until some extramundane medication cures him. Yet, the elevator door before him slides open, offering him his boyfriend with worries written in his face.

“Hyungwon-ah,” he calls, his breath fast. Somehow Namjoo’s expression looks... unreadable, and Hyungwon can’t decide whether he’ll get thrown out and go home alone or just talk here. It’s like Namjoo’s apartment is very restricted and Hyungwon wants to respect that, but it has become too exhausting nowadays.

Maybe his trust has come to cease and Hyungwon has unconsciously caused the cough by himself. Or maybe... maybe Namjoo likes another person, and is about to ditch Hyungwon. He doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want anyone else beside Namjoo.

“Hyungwon, are you okay?” Namjoo grabs Hyungwon’s shoulder, steadying him when he’s about to collapse. “Can you walk? I’ll get you to my place, hang on a little. Okay?”

Hyungwon nods, gripping on Namjoo’s biceps as they wait in the elevator. Once they reach the fourth level and get inside the apartment, Hyungwon’s head falls to Namjoo’s side. His coughs echo throughout the whole apartment, and his grip on Namjoo’s arm gets tighter.

Before Hyungwon can think of anything, he murmurs, “I don’t wanna lose you, hyung. I... I can’t. It’s too much, I—” His lungs burn and he fights the sickening thud in his ribcage. What did he do? What should he do now?

“Hyungwon, calm down. Let’s take off your mask first—”

“No.” Hyungwon covers his mouth as he coughs some more, cursing under his breath since it won’t stop as much as he wants it to.

Namjoo sighs, then slowly leads Hyungwon inside. He lets Hyungwon sit on the couch, going to the kitchen then offering him a glass of water.

The younger guy manages to drink while covering his mouth, still refusing to expose the petals on the inside of his mask.

Hyungwon knows Namjoo is worried about him. His concerned look says it all. But Hyungwon has no idea if he can trust him at all. Not yet, anyway.

“I’ll let you rest here for today. If you need to see a doctor, I’ll come with you. I’ll get anything you need,” Namjoo says again, in that careful tone yet full of affection. “Have you called your parents?”

Once his glass is empty and his mask is back now, Hyungwon frowns. A realization, the suspicion building up on him all this time— which he ignores, and strongly denies—strucks his brain like a lightning.

He looks at Namjoo in disbelief. Then, “You’re not Namjoo.”

The man before him startles. “W-what?”

“You’re... he will never let me visit his place. Not even on our anniversary, when I teased him and lured him with all my might.”

“I... this is an emergency, Won-ah. I need to take care of you—”

But Hyungwon is not so sure anymore. He stares at the older, hoping he’d look at least intimidating, and Namjoo—or whoever he is—stays frozen at his place. Not saying anything.

Then, Hyungwon takes a deep breath, reaching his mask as he slowly opens it. It’s a dark fabric, but some blood stain is evident on it. The petals he ignored spread on the inside part. He looks up again, eyes accusing. “Is this... is this because of you?” He stands up, more out of spite. “I... I start to have some things for you, thinking you’re my _real_ boyfriend... all for some pointless result?” Hyungwon narrows his eyes, his heart thumping wildly. His chest raises up and down as he breathes quickly.

“Hyungwon, I—”

“Where the hell is Namjoo, hyung?”

“Hyungwon, I can assure you Namjoo is fine.” Slowly, the man holds Hyungwon’s hand, and the younger cannot find it in him to yank his hand back.

“Who are you?” Hyungwon asks, his voice a mere whisper.

Namjoo’s twin—or at least Hyungwon assumes so—inhales and exhales deeply before he speaks, “I’m Hyunwoo, Namjoo’s older twin. Namjoo is... he’s currently not here, but you don’t have to worry about him.”

Hyungwon’s head is throbbing now. All these things... they’ve been plotting this behind his back, and for what reason, Hyungwon still can’t get it out from Hyunwoo. He should be angry, throwing things at him, cursing him for causing this pain that Hyungwon has no idea whether it could be cured or not.

Yet, his senses are somehow dulled. The begrudging thud in his heart urges him to do something as he coughs again. He doesn’t stay back when Hyunwoo reluctantly reaches his shoulder, then wraps his arm warmly around him. Hyungwon ducks his head on the older’s chest. It’s warm, pleasant. Namjoo’s hug has always been nice to him, yet it ended too quickly, too brief for Hyungwon’s liking. Although, he can feel that both of them are genuine. At least, he thinks Hyunwoo is.

All Hyungwon wants to do right now is just get this over with. Either he refuses the fact that he has been... dating two different people at the same time, pretending everything’s alright, or he confronts Hyunwoo more once his coughs have stopped.

Hyunwoo rubs his back soothingly, making Hyungwon focus on the warmth of their closeness. Only then Hyungwon can hear the heartbeat that Hyunwoo has. It’s constant, rather rapid, and Hyungwon blushes for noticing.

Hyungwon closes his eyes, holding back his upcoming coughs though it comes to no avail. He inhales sharply, enjoying the warm scent from Hyunwoo’s perfume. It’s different from Namjoo’s more masculine one, but he likes it. Hyungwon knows his mind is messed up, but he needs as much reassurance as he can get right now.

Hyungwon eventually wraps his arms around Hyunwoo’s back, it’s broad and bear-like, but comforting. Hyungwon settles in the blissful feelings for a while, before he says, “Please tell me everything and... and help me figure out what I should do with this—” Hyungwon’s tongue can’t bring the word _illness_ out loud, but Hyunwoo nods in understanding.

“I will, Won-ah.”

And though Hyungwon is afraid that time will never come, he mutters a little thank you, sinking himself in the affectionate hug, pressing the burn in his lungs and the aching pain all over himself.

It’s fragile, and definitely uncertain. But who else Hyungwon can count on, other than the person he loves the most?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! >3<
> 
> I know I might leave so many questions, and I'm so invested with this AU so I hope I can go back to it soon! Right now I wanna finish my WIPs first heheh. Until then, let's keep loving Showhyung! (ﾉ≧ڡ≦) 🐻🐢💘💘💘


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